What Not to Wear

Went to a wedding this weekend and it was pretty good. I was worried that I was overdressed... which I was a little. I wore a Chinese dress with a mandarin collar. Because of the collar, I went and got it done in an updo. I may have been overdressed, but at least I didn't look like a slut. There was this girl that was wearing this white halter dress that was skin tight. It had a wide band on the bottom that just reached the bottom of her butt. It was more of a clubbing dress. She had on white panties that gave her some slight rolls and bumps. If you're going to wear a skin tight white dress, wear a slip, or if you're wearing a dress that is short enough to be a shirt, wear some tights. It's a wedding, have some class. Then again, the Mother of the Bride was wearing a cheap bright pink, backless prom dress. Maybe I just didn't get the memo.

Note to self...

...Try harder to keep up with my workout routine. I was doing pretty well with exercising and was really proud of myself when I realized my stamina was up. Then I stopped for about 3 weeks and got back into it yesterday. Goodness, I was dying! I was so disappointed in myself when I couldn't last as long as before. I didn't regress that much, but it was still sad. It's hard work and I sweat bullets along the way, but I always feel great afterwards. I always feel happy that I did something instead of sitting on the couch!

Never good enough

Before my parents decided to come and visit me, I have to admit that they were kind of pissing me off with questions about Brett and I getting married. My mom bugs me about it all. the. time. but my dad asked me about it for the first time about a month ago. He said that we're getting old and that there isn't a reason for us not to. Well, we need money to have a wedding, and we kinda just spent most of it on a house, DAD! If I had known that my parents would bug us more about marriage after we bought a house, I would've kept it a secret or something. It's kinda like "Congratulations on such a great accomplishment at such a young age, but you two really should get married NOW." They're proud of me, I'm sure of that, but why must they ALWAYS focus on the negative?

Brett and I decided to buy a house because it was a good time to buy and we didn't want to live in our tiny one bedroom apartment anymore. It was actually Brett's idea. I thought about buying a house, but some time in the future because I didn't think I could do it. Brett suggesting that WE buy a house, is one of the sweetest things he has done for me. It was his way of saying that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and thought that we were ready to share our finances (even though we kinda did that last part already). He wanted to give me a place to call home. Before we bought our house, the only place I called "home" was Hawaii. Sure, we had a place to live in, but it was always temporary. In his own way, he told me that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together and have a place for us to grow old together. To me, that's sweeter than spending all the money we had so that he could put a ring on my finger and have a wedding, and still be stuck in a teeny tiny apartment. We live like we're married, we just haven't signed papers to make it official, but what's the rush? It takes quite a level of maturity to realize that you're committed to someone and live as one unselfishly. I wish my parents would see that. But nothing ever seems good enough.

It took me a while to not care about what others think of me, but I still care about what my parents think. I've always wanted their approval and praise. I always admired the fact that my older brother didn't want their praise like I did. I wish I could be more like him in that way. It bothered me when my straight A's and awards didn't seem to mean much. I got into an argument with my dad about that when I was about 18. He told me that parents don't give their children praise because they want them to always do better. Okay, I understand that... I want to strive to be better too, but what am I supposed to do when I feel like I've already done my best and it's still not good enough? Hmm... like buying a house at age 24 with someone who loves me and wants to be with me??!! I know they're proud and they have told me that they're happy for me. It just feels like they're raining on my parade by jumping to something negative so quickly.

It's not that I don't want to get married. I would like to, but we're still settling into our house and I would like to take one big step at a time. I don't want to just go to a courthouse and sign some papers. I want a wedding. I want to wear a white dress, and for once, won't care that all eyes are one me. That day will come when it comes. My parents will just have to be patient until then and I have to try hard not to let their comments get to me.

Homesick No More

My parents came to visit me, and broght me all kind of goodies to boot! It was very last minute and I didn't see it coming at all, but I'm so happy that they were able to get away from work to see me. It was a short visit. They only stayed for 4 full days, but that's better than nothing. I got pretty annoyed with them sometimes. They question everything I do or the way I do it. I tried not to be so snippy, but it was hard. But that's just how we are.
They are the most selfless people I know. Everything they did was ALWAYS for me and my brother. They never buy anything for themselves, and when they do, they seem to feel guilty about it. I look selfish next to them, and could never be like them. I know it's just the culture and that they were brought up to be that way, but I still admire them for everything they have done for me.
I hope they worry about me less now that they have seen where I live. They see why Brett and I fell in love with our house and bought it. They also got to meet Brett's family. It's too bad that my parents speak little to no English and couldn't converse with them. My parents commented on how neat and organized my house is. I told them that it's mostly Brett's doing. I hope they feel better about me living across the ocean from them. I'm surrounded by people who love and care for me.
Oh! and...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the one who makes me smile and laugh like no one else can, the one who "makes sense of madness when my sanity hangs by a thread," the one who gave me a place to call home in California. My Superman (because people thinks he looks like Clark Kent), my Iron Man (the meaning of his Japanese name), and the root of my happiness, Brett. I love you. Happy Birthday!